I decided recently to start messing around with art. Not in a serious, I Am An Artist way, but in a “This is creative, and I can do it in 10 minutes on a post-it at work” way. One consistent theme in the last six months — and in my life, more generally — is a desire for a satisfying creative outlet. I’ve tried my hand at many a craft (crochet, knitting, scrapbooking) and dreamed constantly about learning an instrument (we are determined to be a musical family and want to acquire basically every instrument we can — we got a free piano this summer), but didn’t have the resources (and now, the time) to make progress on that (I got up to “When the Saints Go Marching In”). They key word is satisfying, though, and the learning stages of a new craft are never really satisfying. It takes time and effort and practice to get good, and once you’re good, you can truly enjoy a hobby. I’m talking about flow here.
My parents made creative outlets available to me, but never pushed me to stick with it through the tough spots*. I quit singing lessons when I got bored. I had pastels and watercolor sets, but wasn’t diligent about working with them to get past awkward, 2D horse drawings. Finally, I feel ready to focus and practice, and drawing is what I can fit in my life right now. Drumming will have to come a little later.
This reminds me of an article I read about Amy Chua, the tiger Mom. Jen has written already about her non-tigress ways as a Mom, but this quote stood out to me:
”To get good at anything, you have to work, and children on their own never want to work.”
I’ve already confessed my aversion to buckling down and seeing things through. I mean, that’s a rather obvious feature of me. I’m human and flawed and being lazy is part of who I am, for better or worse. I’m seeing this as baby steps, but mostly? As fun. As something satisfying and just for me in days dominated by meeting the needs of others. And progress is quick! And inspiration is everywhere. So I’m making myself worse. And yeah, I’ll be hounding my kids to practice piano, and/or drums, and to keep practicing their drawing so they can get past the frustrating stages, to keep trying that cartwheel, because they can. We can.
My therapist is also encouraging me to pursue more “left brained” activities to process my experiences since I’ve sort of burned out the right side with words words words and thinking thinking thinking. Maybe this will lead to a breakthrough. We’ll see. I downloaded an iPad app to mess around with, and hope to get a stylus at Christmas. Here’s a very simple effort while brainstorming ideas for my sister’s nursery (she’s due with her first in March).
Made with the Paper app.
* Clarifying: it’s not my parents’ fault that I never finish anything. I just seem to be a person who needs external motivation through the early stages or difficult spots, and I can imagine my kids will be the same way. I love that my parents gave me a lot of creative outlets.
I would love to be good at those things. I quit piano in 3rd grade b/c I didn’t want to practice. At the time I could play all of the Scott Joplin rags. Now I can’t remember how to read music. I’m sorry I didn’t follow through!
I quit playing piano when I went to college and I deeply regret it.
weirdly, I’ve become sort of Tiger Mom-esque about gymnastics and dance for the girls. Not in the sense that I’m making them practice hours a day or shaming them for small imperfections, but in that I’m really committed to them being in lessons even though it’s a huge pain in the ass. My reasoning is that if we wait, if we sign them up for ballet when they are 8, they will be 5 years behind in the basic skills, and they won’t want to stick with it– who would? If they want to play softball or soccer or whatever, they can switch when they show an interest, and I’m trusting that the balance and flexibility and athleticism will serve them across a variety of sports. And right now they love dance and gymnastics, and are unaware of what a logistical nightmare it is. Which is ideal. I don’t want to weigh them down. And I want them to feel like every door is open to them, now and as they’re growing up.
I think that’s great. I need to get the girls going in some lessons but like you said, the logistics suck. I don’t want to do something at dinner time because we’d be away for like 12 hours. I don’t really want to take up our weekends with lessons, but that’s probably what will happen. Also, I don’t really know what lessons would be best for them (are they really dancers? would tumbling be more gutsy and brave? can we afford instrument lessons, which are absolutely going to happen, AND something like dance, or should we pay for piano lessons and sign Robin up for tee ball instead of doing dance?).
I debated weeknight or weekend and decided I would rather have hella long week days and free weekends. Plus we often have family and friend commitments on weekends, and I didn’t want to complicate that. My in laws help financially with dance, and we are covering gymnastics, but it’s not cheap. Rec sports like tee ball would definitely be more affordable. Dance and gymnastics are what my girls had expressed an interest in, but if at any point they want to switch to something sporty like soccer or whatever I’m okay with that- I figure I just keep checking in and see how they’re feeling. Their dance class is a combo class that does ballet, tap, jazz, and tumbling — if that’s an option for your girls, it might be a good way to try several things at once.
Instrument lessons are a whole other ball game. I would like them to play a couple instruments, but we have no space for a piano right now and most guitar teachers want piano first, so we’re sort of in a holding pattern there.
I think my girls would just say yes to all of the above. I want to be picky about lifetime hobbies that I’ll be paying for, if that makes sense (at least ones not offered in public school, where they can do art and sing in choir). We will probably find a combo dance class (if possible, one that starts in Jan, but I learned that most of the dance schools run on a yearly schedule and recitals are usually in spring, so we may have to wait until next school year). And start piano next year for Robin, oh boy. Maybe tee ball this spring. (Or soccer.)
I can see how, as a parent, it would be a huge hassle to bug your kids about practicing. I get that. I just think I’ll have to suck it up and harass my children into getting good at playing at least one instrument (probably piano) and seeing through commitments because I obviously needed more pushing (not that I blame my folks, I just bet that the tendency to bail is hereditary!). And I need to model commitment to them, as well.
Sometimes I wonder whether the thought “I wish I’d kept up with X” is just a disguised form of wanting something for nothing. The past me gets the suffering, and the present me gets the benefit. It’s a very common feeling (I’m certainly no stranger to it myself) but one that perhaps should be viewed with great skepticism.
Interesting, Ken… I’ll have to think on it.
Yeah, I think there’s some truth to that. I wish I still played piano — but I don’t really wish I had spent hours and hours holed up in a practice room while I was in college instead of protesting or drinking or watching the X-Files (which is mostly how I spent my college years).